how do yo get rid of someone you work with?

he is a pig.at 5:00 hes drinking,drunk by 8, and this is a office. naked women calenders on his desk , lazy, takes credit for others work. he is a boss and we know more than him. thinks its funny to make fun of me, i feel like im in 5th grade again, but i do stick up for my self but it doesnt seem to do anything but let him know that his teasing bothers me. as we speak right now the main boss is in from out of town and im listening to him give the biggest bull ive ever heard. i think his head might xplode.someone help me. there are no options of going to a higher boss and complaining. i thought about calling in a drunk driver one night when he leaves the office i know that would get him fired. it has to be something like that because he is the boss. hheeeeeeeelllppp